Hello again

Tomorrow morning, bright and early (scrap that - it's more like painfully f-ing early)I will be catching the train to Paris to see my mum and Adrian.

I'm pee-your-pants excited about seeing TidyDidy. Might cry when I see her, I'm a bit of a wet blanket at the moment.

Paris in springtime is also exactly what I need to put the hellishness of yesterday's 5 hours at the prefecture behind me. It was my worst experience yet - and that's saying something as the first time I was there I received an elbow to the side of the head. An awful, awful day.


I'm being very Scarlett O'Hara about the whole dreadful mess though -

"I'll think about it tomorrow".

And by tomorrow - I mean next Friday, when I'm back.

Bisous to all in blog-land.
xxx

Two quick things

Firstly: RUN, don't walk to this blog. Hyperbole and a Half.

Why are you still here? Go. GO!!

Just trust me, ok, you will love this. I was literally peeing my pants with laughter. Her illustrations KILL me.

Warning: you will lose the ability to do anything even remotely productive once discovering how awesomesauce this blog is.

Secondly: How the f-ing F is M better at Boggle than me?!?! Seriously?!? It's on my iPhone and he just got 66. SIXTY-SIX. I'm doing a happy dance if I get over 25.

I'm ashamed of myself.

Image from Hyperbole and a Half.
Go there now, I'm not kidding around!

C'est tout!
xx

NB - Have edited to fix the hyperlink for Hyperbole and a Half. It should be working now.
Mea Culpa.

You're the voice try and understand it

Make a noise and make it clear
Whoa oh oh oh oh oh oh

If you are Oz-tralian you're gonna have that song stuck in your head now! Suckers!

I just heard this song on a French radio station, c'est bizarre, non?
I thought it was weird when I heard Midnight Oil's 'Beds are Burning' a few weeks ago, but hearing the dulcet tones of Johnny Farnham as you're pulling into the boulangerie, très bizarre.


Anyways, just wanted to put up a few photos from the past few days or so.
The temperature's rising and people are out and about enjoying the sunshine.

I'm secretly kind of smug that my 2 weeks in Bali has me - for once - not the whitiest white person on the beach.
That would be M. Haha!

Hi Juliette Binoche. I kind of love you.

Ah, Rusty and some woman.

I used to love you.
I still love Maximus Decimus Meridius.
He's hot, and kinda mean.
You know me - thug-lovin.

Why it's good to be tall.
(erm, yeah, M took this one. Obviously. I apparently have stumps for legs.)

What it looks like from the good seats. The Robin Hood red carpet.
Cate Blanchett *fans oneself*

Another night on our way into the Palais to see "Counting Down to Zero"
Cannes: Keeping the Marquee industry alive, one festival at a time.

After the film we wandered around the port.
Didn't get invited onto any mega-yachts.
Hurumph.
Wouldn't have gone anyway. Lindsay Lohan was there, and who KNOWS where she's been.

PS:Cannes is one of the most expensive marinas in the world, and a berth during for a jumbo 200-footer (the biggest allowed in the marina) goes for $2,094 US a night.
That actually hurts my head.

I DID walk the red carpet.
It was for a day-time premiere so no-one was that dressed up, but still!

Not quite as busy as the Robin Hood Gala, but a few people around.

And when I left, there were a few more people hanging about.
Waiting for Ryan Gosling. Clever people. He's like Loreal. He's worth it.

And traffic chaos.
Plus people walking to the Palais all dolled up, which always makes for fun people-watching.
Even though it took me 30 minutes just to cross the road.
Good thing I'm a very patient person.

And then it's over and the streets are quiet once again. Yay!

Because everyone has gone to the beach. This is the non-busy beach near us.
It's only MAY!
Add about 100 more people per square metre and you'll have a picture of what August looks like.
Bleh.

Lunch with the gorgeous girlies today.
We've reclaimed the Croisette from all the film stars.

That is all for now.

As you were.

PS: 5 sleeps til Paris with Tidy Didy!! xx

Just shaking things up

Hi. No, your eyes do not deceive you.

Am playing around with my layout a little. I quite like this one - and the Phoenix is as relevant an avatar as anything I guess.

I also hate the name of my blog - named it on a whim when I thought I was writing for myself, but can't change it completely without losing my followers - all 4 of'em!!

Also want to share this with you as it's really cool: It's called Ikea Home Inspiration and is basically a collection of photos that real people have submitted showing their design style using Ikea products. SO much nicer than the overly cluttered Ikea catalogs and a great way of showing how the products can work in real spaces. I've spent quite some time flipping through the pictures. Here are a couple of my favourites:

So pretty.

Want to touch the hiney.

xx

Jousting Sticks? What do you want with Jousting Sticks?

Well hello. How's this boys. Woo hoo. What' do you call this?
Chicken.
And it's got something sprinkled on it
Seasoning
Seasoning! Looks like everybody's kicked a goal.

In the spirit of The Castle; everybody’s kicked a goal.

And by everybody, I mean me.

I have scored a win for the home team by finding us a second hand bed AND a second hand vacuum cleaner, all for just €100.

How did I achieve this miraculous win? – well I’m glad you asked.
By being a genius.
And by reading the ex-pat forum's Trading Post section.
And making a few phone calls.
So yeah – genius.

The bed is great, practically new, really comfy and the mattress was included all for the bargain price of €70. We even got 4 pillows and a fitted sheet thrown in Gift-with-Purchase-like. Score!

So - um - sorry to all our guests who have had to endure the air mattress of love, but due to a slight upswing in earnings thanks to two weeks of f-ing insane amounts of apartment cleaning and guest management, we’ve been able to afford an upgrade in our facilities. Just in time for Tidy Didy’s visit!

The vacuum cleaner is also a huge score as I am so SO over sweeping this f-ing apartment as 10 minutes later, it’s like I didn’t even sweep at all.
The dust here is vicious, malevolent and it has an agenda.
It’s like the Voldemort of dust.

So a second hand little vacuum cleaner has made me happy in my pants.

And M has been quoting The Castle incessantly, torn between being pleased with my Trading Post-style wins and cross that I didn't use the opportunity to 'Tell 'm he's dreaming"

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend!

This time next week I'll be in Paris with my little mummy.

Couldn't. Be. More. Excited.
xxx

Laugh as much as you choose, but you will not laugh me out of my opinion.

Jane Austen rocks.

I saw this over on White & Wander:




and she found it on Brookish's Etsy shop via Simply Defined Design

And I officially LOVE it.

Pride and Prejudice is up there on my ever-evolving favourite books of all time - and this tea towl with Mr Darcy's proposal is awesomesauce.

And would probably have you picturing this infamous scene, with the delectable Colin Firth, while drying the dishes.



T'would almost make doing the dishes worthwhile.

Don't look at me like that.

I said almost.

Wah-wah-WEE-wah

Oh. Mm. Gee.

I just watched the 2 hour Grey's Anatomy Finale.
Wow.
That was some gut-wrenching and entirely engrossing television.

I'd pretty much stopped watching GA awhile ago - all the characters annoyed me too much, and they killed of George and Katherine Heigl is such a raging biotch in real life so ... yeah, as far as television-watching-relationships go - we were on a break.

And it wasn't me, it was them.

But M actually doesn't mind GA - it's one of very few "my shows" he doesn't hate.

(He pretends to hate Glee, but he actually kinda likes it - but he won't have a bar of Vampire Diaries or True Blood - his loss, or Brothers and Sisters - which is actually quite sensible of him, cause it's SO stupid, but SO addictive)

Thus, since The Amazing Race finished - we've been without a TV show to watch together, so we got back on the GA bandwagon.

Side not regarding Amazing Race:
(1) Devastated that the Cowboys didn't win - oh my gravy, they were so cute and
(2) have had it up to here with M telling me what a great team he and Hergel would make, and why his boyfriend-for-life would make a FAR superior partner and how they'd TOTALLY win the million dollars. I've pointed out several times that 2 tall geeky engineers who like hiking and listening to themselves talk, don't have the right sort of "angle" that producers are looking for - eg: ex-Beauty Queens, Gay brothers, Lesbian Lawyers, Undercover Cops.
His solution - "we'd go Gay".
Uh huh.
In a weird way that makes sense - the bromance is a little too strong if you catch my drift..

Anyways - all I actually wanted to say was - Bravo Grey's Anatomy. That was a damn fine 2 hours of television
I may have shed a tear or two. But I'm a giant wuss-bag.

And finally - I really, really firmly believe that the guy who plays Dr Owen Hunt - is exactly what Ron Weasley will look like when he's older.

See?!?!

I heart Rangas.

Yeah, I think about things like that.

So what?


xxx

I know my call despite my faults and despite my growing fears

My life is a little odd sometimes.

In amongst showing Paul and Yas around, we have obviously also had the Film Festival and the Monaco Grand Prix going on in the background.

Which means Ferraris and skinny bitches everywhere.

And some odd experiences – today for example: I collected a relatively famous Austrian DJ from the airport, took her to her hotel and then to Le Meridien hotel in Monte Carlo where the after party is and sat listening to the Sugarbabes do their sound check and hearing stories about Liz Hurley at the fashion show the night before.

Bizarre.


And hopefully we’re actually going to see quite a few films in the festival this year! One of the few good pieces of paperwork we’ve filled out recently involved us joining the Cannes Cinephiles club which basically gets us accreditation (yes, we have a lanyard with our photos on it – we are SO part of the cool club) and theoretically this means we can see a whole lot of films for free. Hells yeah!


I’m really hoping to get to see Blue Valentine which stars Michelle Williams and Ryan (The Notebook = hottie hotness) Gosling and Carlos by Olivier Assayas - who I saw at the airport Wednesday, ooh ahh! And anything else I can get into really!


It has been a celeb-spotting extravaganza thus far: Rusty Crowe and his wife (hehe – that reminds me, on the big screen they had “Russel Crowe et sa femme” which means “and his wife” but Paul and Yas thought it meant “and some woman” which would have been funnier!) Cate Blanchett, Michael Douglas, Carey Mulligan, Eva Longoria, Salma Hayek, Kate Beckinsale, Benicio del Toro and more to come.

I’m very blasé about the whole thing really.
I’m cool and jaded like that. Hehe.

P.S: Have interesting job news that I’m keeping a bit of a lid on at the moment... will let you all know when it’s more .... more. Suffice to stay we could be staying in France for a while yet BUT as always – there is paperwork.

There will be Paperwork.

And there will be blood.

Ok, maybe not blood – but I wouldn’t rule out sweat, tears and homicidal rage.

xx

I took this photo on my morning walk the other day.
Life is good people. Life is good.

Newspaper mama

We have had some unexpected but very welcome guests in the shape of Jaime’s brother Paul and his girlfriend Yas staying with us. They have taken time off from running Western Autralia's newspapers and are on the most amazing traveling odyssey, their itinerary is enough to make a travel junkie like me weep.

They weren’t expecting the madness that is Cannes at the mo, so after a day and a half to soak up all the crazy, do some star spotting and red-carpet watching, we decided to spend the Friday away from Cannes – and M had the day off too, so it was the deluxe tour package!

Gorgeous weather had us all in high spirits, and we had a superb time wandering around Antibes, visiting the rose festival and perfume factory in Grasse (I’ve lost count how many times I’ve gone now. I actually know the tour off by heart more or less, but it’s still lovely, and weirdly I manage to buy something almost every time I go there...) a quick coffee up at Gourdon with spectacular views and a huge seafood dinner in Cannes. A really great day – and it was wonderful to see Paul and Yas again.

I also annoyed the other three by spending a lot of the time mucking around on my iPhone with my Hipstamatic app taking all kinds of funky looking photos.

Here are some of the Black and White ones that I like bestest.

xx

ETA: Yes, I know the photos say 'May 80'.
No, I'm not living in the past - it's what the App does - recreates old skool photos.
And it's WICKED cool.

Butterboobies

An (I think) amusing story from Bali-travel that I forgot in my jet-lagged blogging state that I feel I should share with you, my non-paying audience.

I love butter. Love it.

But I hate when I’m at a restaurant and am given cold butter + cold bread.

This does not float my boat.

So I have a habit of shoving the pat of butter either down my bra or under my thigh to warm it sufficiently for ease of spreading. Then it’s good to go. Now, on aircraft, the butter AND the crappy rolls they give you are practically frozen, so several times I discreetly shoved my little container of butter inside my bra to defrost. Not a problem.

Imagine my surprise, however, when I was towards the end of my Singapore – Dubai leg and I touched my chest, only to wonder why I had moisturiser all over it. I do have a habit of slathering myself in La Mer products when in airports – I can’t afford it, but hush! the sales staff don’t need to know that! I couldn’t remember lathering up in La Mer goodness in Singapore.....

Have you guessed yet?
Not moisturiser.
Nope.
Melted butter.
That I’d forgotten about and that had melted all through my bra and seeped though my shirt.
Awesome.
And with only 14 hours of traveling left in front of me.

I’m a freaking genius I am.

I had totally forgotten about this (repressed?) until we were out for dinner last night at the always lovely Cannes institution Le Caveau 30 and out of habit I tucked the butter down ye olde top.

Clearly, I have learnt nothing. NOTHING.

It could have been that I was distracted by the presence of Stellan Skarsgård at our neighbouring table. His son plays Vampire Eric in True Blood and is all kinds of hotness despite the fact that he is boning ew!Kate Bosworth – who needs to eat a cheeseburger.

I have a pretty good feeling that Kate Bosworth probably doesn't stick butter down her bra.

What am I saying?
She doesn't eat BUTTER
She doesn't EAT.

xx
The idiot in 32A with melted butterboobies.

Hello. How about that ride in, I guess that’s why they call it Sin City... ha ha.

So I have returned from two wonderful, glorious weeks in Bali. I had such a lovely time. SUCH fun times.

Seeing my bestest girlfriends for a truly luxurious week of blissed out spa treatments, (the people at Chill Reflexology knew us all by name by the end of the week!) lazing by the pool, great food, lots of gossip, plenty of Bintang, excessive quoting of The Hangover and tons of laughs (fingered?!?! Ew.) Awesome. A great way to celebrate several decades of friendship.

And the chance to see my crazy family. Dad was great, in such good spirits all week such that even the sweet Balinese reception lady commented “Mr Mark – he so happy and positive”. It’s been a long time between holiday drinks for Dad. Susan and Tessa shopped up a storm and Tess is such a teenager now and so grown up it’s frightening. And Claire-my-sister – damn I love that girl; she makes me laugh so so much. Hilarious. And I had so many massages and treatments, I should look like Jennifer Hawkins. Sadly, non.

I didn’t actually take that many photos – too busy? Nah, too lazy! and I’m not that pleased with what I do have as they don’t really capture – say – the gorgeousity that was our villa (The Kunja, couldn’t recommend more highly!) and also our camera is kind of cracking the shits at the mo, so ... yeah. Sorry about the quality. Also – photos in bathers don’t really need to be for public consumption, hence there are none from the day we spent at the "Waterbomb" waterslide park. No-one needs to see that. Even though there was one cracker of a photo of Tessa and I on the (legitimately terrifying) ride “The Boomerang” where she seems to be screaming in excitement – while I have genuine fear in my eyes. I thought I was going to have a heart attack. And die.

Anyways, here we go:

Oh hi! Just chillin. Poolside. Where we spent about 84% of our time.
Best. Pool. Ever. (Until I dived in with my glasses on. Then I hated it a little bit.)

The gorgeousness that is Sarah Jane.

Cocktails at Ku de ta. Oh yeah.

Where Kate and I shacked up for the week.

Cus' bedroom. Not too shabby really.

Room service Pizza + Booze = Good times

Our day trip to Lembongan island. Quite a nice place to spend the day really!

Hard life.

Our villa all decorated for our special Indonesian BBQ dinner, cooked in-house by our own team of chefs!
Delicious.

This photo cracks me up as I think it captures just how excited Kate and Jaime were to watch the - very touristy and honestly kind of crap - Balinese Theatre performance we went to.

Tiger or Monkey Cus?? hehe

These girls were the highlight of the performance that went for over an hour.

At the Goa Gajah temple

Ubud rice fields

Dinner at La Lucciola with my family, watching the sunset. Lovely

Nasi Goreng for lunch- every day pretty much! Yum-o.

Villa number 2 with family. So nice.

Everyone in the pool!

Seminyak street.
I think I must have got the only moment when it wasn't crazy busy with traffic.

On Turtle Island. Turtles = cool and interesting.
The rest of the reptiles? (giant snakes) = Less cool. *shudder*

Feeding the turtles. There were two that were over 70 years old and they were humongous!

Frozen strawberry margaritas at Ultimo.

At the Champagne lounge. A Family of boozers we are.

Dinner on the beach at Jimbaran Bay.

Seafood deliciousness. Best prawns ever.

Back to Ku de ta for more cocktail-goodness. Claire is .... lounging?? IDK.

The cool entrance to Ku de ta.

As nice as it is to be home and have M the hiker home early (a lovely surprise - he wasn't due back from his hike in Spain until tonight, so showing up at the door with flowers and pastries - too cute) and to not be on a plane or in transit - I would go back to Bali in a heartbeat.
A fantastic holiday. I'm such a lucky duck.

xx

PS - Best line of the 2nd week goes to me:
At lunch in Cafe Moka, randomly discussing Dad's two nicknames 'Fat' and 'The Pink Pig'.
Dad: (defensively) "Quite a few people have asked me why everyone calls me Fat"
Me: "were they on the phone??"
Susan, Tessa, Claire and Me: wetting our pants with laughter as Dad leaves us in the cafe.


Love to my crazy, hilarious family and wonderful friends - you are my wolf pack.

Miss you all already.