Yo - Je ne sais pas

I travelled into the bowels of the French bureaucracy today and emerged relatively unscathed. I did have to wait in line for 2.5 hours and donate a kidney, but overall it was a successful trip and not too traumatic.

This was all to get our new (still unnamed) car registered. I was soooo organised and had all my paperwork ready and in multiples and I took the folder of 1001 documents which contains copies of every document relating to M and myself that we have needed tp produce thus far in France – it weighs around 10kg, but that still meant a long wait in a small room with a hundred or so of my closest buds.

I also got asked many questions in French from my comrades in waiting - most were easy though, such as “do you have a pen I could borrow”, “what number in line are you” and “do you have a 20centimes piece for the photocopier” – all of which I answered in the affirmative (even the number question as my brain frantically tried to work out what 917 is in French – out of interest it’s neuf cent dix-sept, which is easy, but my brain was trying to work out 90 for some reason, which is quatre vingt dix – i don’t know why I wanted to say 90, I was under pressure!!) so the nice fellow who asked the fairly innocuous question just looked at me strangely. However, I also somehow got drawn into a conversation that I think was about parking fines. Not sure. I nodded a fair bit.

I also had a long and mostly incomprehensible conversation with one of my neighbours about parking as we do have a space in the underground garage, but we don’t know which one it is, and no-one really seems to know, and it appears that there’s some kind of building politics happening as some people must be taking up more than one space. Judging by the size of her arm gestures, it must be pretty serious. I smiled and nodded and looked wide eyed a lot. Eh. It works.

So, overall a successful visit, we are now fully insured and registered. Wicked. This also caps off a week of minor achievements. I got my carte de sejour back and managed to get some new contact lenses on my old Aussie prescription from the very nice young chap at the optical store, who found out that I was Australian and then talked to me enthusiastically in English, gave me a discount and told me how to go about getting a refund from our “mutuelle” – private health insurance. Awesome. Go me.

Have also been – as M says – ‘kicking some cooking goals’ of late. Inspired by my new obsession, the blog Orangette, http://orangette.blogspot.com/ (go, GO, READ IT, Molly – the author – is all kinds of brilliant) I cooked a zucchini and pecorino frittata last night, made an incredible yet really simple tomato pasta sauce the other night and am enjoying trying some new recipes.

However, when cooking said frittata last night I decided to indulge in a glass or two of rose. Now, I am virtually a teetotaller over here, I haven’t had a drink in....ages. So the 4 glasses (whoops) of vino I downed while cooking/dancing around the kitchen/scooping up and demolishing frittata-y goodness had me, well, a little pissy. This meant that during dinner M and I found ourselves trying to sing Vanilla Ice’s seminal work “Ice Ice Baby” in French. Explanation? Most nights we try to spend a bit of time talking, learning or revising some French. Last night, somehow, M got it into his head to start translating “We are Australian” into French. This led into (A) hysterical laughter and (B) trying to one-up each other with stupider or harder songs to translate. "Ice Ice Baby" had us snorting frittata out our noses. Voila de l'arrêt, collaborer et écouter, Ice est de retour avec ma nouvelle invention Quelque chose saisit la main sur moi bien, flowin comme un harpon et de tous les jours de nuit Sera-t-il jamais s'arrêter? Yo - Je ne sais pas. We were pissing ourselves. Hilarious. My favourite line is “Yo! – Je ne sais pas” Gold. You'll notice we didn't know the word for 'flowin like a harpoon'. hee hee.

And then I got sleepy.

In other news, I had an unusual but possibly promising email from ISN (the school that offered me a job and then said their circumstances have changed but are now saying that it’s not that they don’t need or want me but that it’s too difficult to sponsor Aussies which in turn makes me wonder if they read my emails as I already HAVE a visa and have done that dance with the french already they just need to fill out one form and submit it to the Govt but who knows and grr it makes me mad so let’s not discuss it until we hear further ok?) Deep breath.

Also, I eat tomatoes now. And have invented possibly the yummiest baguette filling combination known to man. (Hint: it includes tomatoes!) I cried today watching So you think you can dance. I also had a bit of a tear-up yesterday while watching Pollyanna on YouTube. Such a great movie. I think I knew the words to "America the beautiful" way before I knew our National Anthem. I am so lame. But both were very moving!

That’s about all for now methinks! Tootles!

Bits & Pieces

We have our new car!! – she is still unnamed at this stage. M suggested “bluebird”. I’m sure you can imagine the withering turn-you-to-stone look he received. “Bluebird”. Jesus. And this is the man who thinks he is funnier than me, sheesh.

She drives well and I’m feeling quite comfortable cruising around, despite the maniacal French drivers, and her loud rumbling diesel engine is bizarrely reassuring. I also successfully managed to get her insured and negotiated all the paperwork required, which was something of a practice run for going to the prefecture to get her registered. I will never, ever, EVER again complain about the Transport SA offices, at least they have queues and ticketing machines, here they have, well – you get in a group, run and elbow your way to the front with a folder full of documents and a certificate donating your first born child. CR-A-ZY. I will be heading in sometime next week, wish me luck.

A few little shout-outs. Firstly to Barb-arella, the greatest MIL in the world, who single-handedly brow-beat RAA, Transport SA and Allianz into giving us all the documentation we needed for all things car related in ONE day, no paperwork required by us. She is incredible. Put her in charge of the Middle East and she’d have all the problems sorted out in time for dinner. Thank you Barb, your help is, as always, invaluable.

Secondly, to Chookie and Deano – I hope the Quiz night is a huge success on Saturday night and that you raise LOTS of moolah for this very selfless thing you are doing. I wish I could be there, mainly because I would totally dominate – I answered all the questions you gave me correctly except for one! Damn – I could have cleaned up. Ah well. Hope it’s great – just don’t let Dad “Quiz Master” get too – Dad-like.

Finally - I went and saw Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince last night - and M came with me (aw) so i didn't have to go alone. We nearly missed the start (they don't do previews or ads here, if the film says 9.30, it starts bang on 9.30, which I don't mind per se even though I quite like previews) but since we had to park half way back to our house due to the INSANE and irritating amount of people that are in Cannes at the moment for the summer, we had to piss-bolt to get there which was rather awkward in sandals and a skirt. Anyways, I really really enjoyed the film, I think the 'trio' have gotten better and better and found Dan Radcliffe's portrayal of Harry especially strong - and loved the Felix Felicius bit, "Pincers" ha ha. I was a bit disappointed with the slightly anti-climactic ending but I guess they're saving that bit extra for the final book in the 2 films. I have quite happily accepted that the books and films are different entities and can enjoy them as such. I have yet to experience a film that lives up to a book for me. Maybe the LOTR films? But then again I found those books slightly torturous so... Anyway, I enjoyed it and it was worth the sore feet and chaffed thighs due to the run to get there! I'm also this close to convincing M to read the books! Hee!! I love HP.

French Alps + Hiking = ?

Hiking is a little like sex and childbirth.
Your husband/boyfriend/significant other/agent of Satan implores you to “try it, you’ll like it, it won’t be too bad, we’ll just do it once”.
Then a significant time later you find yourself in enormous amounts of pain wondering why the fuck you agreed to this in the first place.
There’s a cautionary tale here people – use condoms and don’t agree to hiking. At least with childbirth you get a baby!

Nah, I’m joking......mostly. This was just the predominant thought that was running through my head on the first, entirely uphill day of our recent hike. I was wondering if there’s a kind of hiking amnesia where-by I’d forgotten just how much I really do loathe trudging and scrambling up hills carrying a 16kg pack. This was when I was firmly in Phase 3 as M calls it.
Apparently I have 5 phases that I go through when hiking
1. Enjoyment
2. Sarcasm and joking awkwardness
3. Rage, anger and hatred
4. Pain barrier and break down
5. Acceptance and belief.

Overall though, I’m pleased to admit, the hike was more successful than the last, with no time spent in phase 4 and much less time in phase 3. A beneficial combination of improved fitness and a lack of serious blisters other than a chunky custard one on each heel – ew -meant the going was less tough and the second day I actually - *gasp* - enjoyed myself, phase 1 in all its glory!

Day 1 - all uphill, phase 3 well and truly engaged

The utter rubbish steep bullshit we were zig-zaging our way up. (That's still phase 3 talking!)

At the top! Red-faced and pooped an M wants an arm photo! I'm dead sexy.

We spent the 3 days in the Mercantour National Park which is over on the border of France and Italy and the site of many popular Alpine ski resorts. The scenery was breathtaking and some of the views were bloody brilliant.

That reminds me – we had an amusing conversation with our companions – Italian Luca and Russian Katia – explaining how Australians use ‘bloody’ when we mean ‘really’ which led to us learning the great French equivalent “vachement” – “vache” is cow so its literal translation means Cow-ly, or Beef-ly, which in my strange mind isn’t that far removed from ‘bloody’!

Back to the scenery. Easily some of the most spectacular views I’ve ever seen, the photos, beautiful as they are and predominantly the artistic endeavours of M, hardly do the views justice. It was also the highest I’ve ever been – we slept the 2nd night at 2500m which is pretty cool and it was so bizarre hiking in shorts and sunshine through snow. I also had my first introduction to “refuges” which are small huts that are staffed from around July to September where you can stay the night and have meals, thus negating the need to carry more than just clothes, water and snacks. We had planned to stay the two nights in two different refuges but unfortunately they were fully booked (lots of bonkers people out hiking apparently) but we did have a few cold drinks at the first one and dinner at the second, which was a great experience. All these people in trekking gear, smooshed onto long benches gobbling up the food – one menu, take it or leave it. We had vegetable soup with mountain bread, roast pork and mashed potato, cheese and break and vanilla custard – delicious! Beats couscous with tinned vegetables cooked in the trangia!

The first refuge - Lac de Vens

Katia + Luca + sunset on the 1st day

Setting off on the 2nd day - wearing my sexy new pants that become shorts. H.O.T

"Go stand on the snow" M orders. I so so so nearly stacked it, hence the goofy grin

Day 2 and more up-hill. Goodie.

At the top, about to head down

Where we stopped for lunch day 2

Pretty awesome views

Dinner at the refuge, 2nd night

Spectacular

One of the funniest moments was when Luca and M decided to cool off after their exhausting early morning trek to the summit of Mt Tenibre (3031m) which I wisely opted out of, M said quite plainly that I would have ‘died’. I don’t think he was speaking in hyperbole either. The lakes all looked so inviting in the glorious sunshine – crystal clear water, absolutely beautiful. They were also absolutely freezing – the snow around the edges would probably have been an indication. Regardless, the idiot boys dove in and watching their facial expressions as they came up for air and literally scrambled out of the water, was hysterically funny. M declared that his testicles had disappeared up into his intestines, it was that cold. But very amusing to watch!

A bit cold are you??? Idiot.

Heading down on the 3rd day, on our way back to the car and a shower!

So, even though my calf muscles are still questioning my sanity, and I have a bad feeling my big toe’s nail is probably going to fall off given that it’s un unhealthy shade of plum, it was a good trip and another experience to add to the growing list of cool things we have done while living over here. And for the record – next hike? (and yes, there will be another one, I know who I’ve married and just need the amnesia to kick in) I vote for (A) staying in refuges and (B) less muthaf-ing HILLS. I hate hills. I embrace the flatness.

A few quick things

I am leaving tomorrow on a 3-day hike in the Mercantour National Park which is on the France/Italian border in the Alps.

Yep. Another hike. I do not even know myself anymore, honestly. AND, I did something today that I NEVER thought I'd do - I bought a pair of hiking pants that have zip-off lower legs that turn into shorts. Convertible outdoor hiking pants. As Derek Zoolander so profoundly once asked - "Who am I?"

I've changed. Not too much though, I also bought myself a totally cute hot pink fleece, as even though it's hot hot hot down here seaside, up in the Alps, there be snow. M doesn't exactly know about the fleece yet, but he can deal.

Besides, due to some recent bargaining over a car price, I saved us some euros. Yes, that's right, you heard/read right - CAR!! We have wheels people - or we will next week! No more public transport for this little brown duck, no sir-ee, you can take your train strikes and stick-em France!

Would you like to meet my new baby? She is as yet unnamed, and will never replace Xena in my affections (hard to beat a brand new car won in a raffle!!) but I think I will grow to love her.

She's a Renault Scenic - 1998, 1.9l Diesel, owned by a lovely English couple who spend 6 months a year in Antibes, really well looked after and best of all was the price - which I bartered over!

Those who know me well know that despite my bravado and full-of-shit-ness, I am actually an utter weakling and coward when it comes to bartering/complaining/confrontation. So, much to Ralf's amusement as he watched us too and fro over this, M insisted that "according to the principles of second hand car buying" - I had to offer less than the asking price. Personally, I think it's silly, but I did what he instructed (and I managed to muffle the high-pitched nervous giggle that threatened to escape when I made the offer) and it was accepted! yay! We will be picking our new family member up next week, probably on Tuesday which is Bastille Day here - vive la France!

We are also full-steam ahead planning for our August Croatia sailing/Paris for Kate's birthday trip and yesterday managed to secure THIRTY EURO FIRST CLASS TGV tickets to and from Paris - this price is utterly unheard of and I was literally doing a little happy dance - which was gleefully witnessed by Kate as we were skyping at the time.

2 quick last things:

I'm so so happy for my two little sisters who yesterday became the proud owners of a GREAT little unit in Klemzig. Yay for Hols and Claire.

I didn't get the job at the International School of Nice - their circumstances changed and they no longer need me. Pretty bummed about it, but whatever.

Wish me luck on the hike! I will, of course, provide ample hilarity at my expense when I return including photos of me looking uber sexy in my new hiking pants/shorts (phorts? shants?).

You love it.

Facebook is a funny thing

The modern addiction has provided two amusing things today.

Firstly, it allowed me to write a form of confessional to blogger-extraordinaire Heather, whose sparkling and quick-witted commentary I adore, but who I have been somewhat stalking, so I gathered my nerve and wrote a rather embarrassing message stating my acclaim and owning up to my stalker-ish behaviour.

Secondly, I received a friend request from a boy I attended Maryatville Primary School with and who was, and is, the first boy I ever kissed.

Now this was back in the day when I was obviously reading FAR to much Sweet Valley High, as the whole set up for said kiss was rather elaborate. It involved sending a note, requesting a clandestine meeting around behind the units, under the acorn trees. If he agreed, he was to drop his blue pen (ah, pen licences, what would we have done without you, we would have wallowed in lead pencil hell for eternity, which I'm certain is one of Dante's 7 levels...but I digress) and if he did not want to meet me, he was to drop his maths book. Luckily for me and me pre-teen ego, the blue pen was dropped several times. How very Jessica Wakefield. And the "kiss" occurred, at recess and on cue.

So in response to the friend request message "hey, remember me?"
Yes, yes I do.

Will I accept your friend request? - Now that I've told this story, unlikely.

Afternoon delight

A few pictures of the beauty that is France.

Hopefully this will entice a few of you to visit (I'm looking directly at you mum!)

Enjoy! b

A funny little story

Before I left Australia my gorgeous friends at Pembroke gave me as a farewell present a year's subscription to delicious magazine. I adore finding the new instalment in my letterbox each month - I read it carefully from cover to cover and mark out the recipes I want to try. However, as we have no oven and no BBQ (I know, you'd think M would have lost his mind by now without a BBQ, believe me, we are craving some BBQ-goodness) my lofty culinary ambitions are somewhat thwarted, particularly when it comes to desserts.

However, in the June 2009 edition the "Curtis at Home" section had a simple and drool-worthy looking recipe for a banoffee pie that Curtis Stone describes as "a combination of banana and toffee in one incredible pie" hence - banoffee. Not the most original name ever, but Curtis is cute as a button and cooks like a dream, so we'll forgive him for being a little simple.

Now, when it came to collecting the ingredients, a little bit of substitution occurred - as often does.
For example:

• 255g packet digestive biscuits - well, we couldn't find digestives, so we got something that looked close enough.
• 160g unsalted butter - easy
• 5 small ripe bananas - easy
• 300ml thickened cream - impossible. The French have Creme Fluide which is in UHT type boxes and runny as milk, "Chantilly" which is sickly whipped cream in a can or "Creme Fraiche" which as we all know is essentially sour cream. I've used Creme Fraiche in desserts before and it was quite nice, so that's what we got.

Toffee Sauce

• 1/2 firmly packed cup (100g) brown sugar - no dice. Unbelievably we couldn't find brown sugar so we got some that was kind of.......latte coloured.
• 395g can sweetened condensed milk - easy
• 160g unsalted butter - sorted

Instructions are to make the crust by food processing the biscuits and butter -I don't have a food processor so Rachael and I unleashed our pent up rage and smashed the biscuits to smithereens by hand - eating a few on the way. When it came time to "press crumb mixture" over bottom and sides, we realised there wasn't enough to do the sides (probably shouldn't have eaten so many..whoops) so made a fairly solid cheesecake-like base. No problem we thought.

We then combined the sugar and some water to make toffee...........and waited........Curtis recommends waiting for a deep amber colour. Ours was amber-like....ish. So we chucked in the condensed milk, and butter (we had extra condensed milk so we had beefed up the quantities a little, no harm in having extra toffee sauce, right?) and what we had was...... extremely sweet and runny condensed milk that had kind of a grey straw colour. Hmmmm, Not good. Rach and Kym had brought us from Canada some real Maple Syrup, so we threw some of that in.

I hand whipped the Creme Fraiche and then mixed in the bananas. Creme wasn't really holding together that well though. Should be alright we thought.

Put it all together and............




Ha ha ha ha ha. Not good. Admittedly this is AFTER we'd served up the boys and ourselves bowls of what was described as "slightly banana-y tasting condensed milk with solid lumps of butter-y biscuits floating in it" and "sickly banana custard" and by M as "the result of a big night out on the piss". nice.

Oh Curtis. How you deceived us with your boyish good looks and simple recipe.

That'll teach us to substitute ingredients.

The moral of this story? France does not want me to bake/make desserts. Ok France, I hear you, loud and clear.

So - to comply with these orders, I am off to the patisserie to buy a tartlette au citron.

Le Tour de France

After days and days of humid mugginess the skies have finally cleared and I am sitting on my balcony enjoying the clear blue vision before me interrupted only by the noisy scooters and helicopters landing at the nearby base.

The boys have traipsed off to Grasse for Stage 2 of le Tour – despite a delay in their planning due to typical French train strikes, which had German Ralf fuming with indignation - this would never happen in Germany! Bloody Frogs! I have opted to stay home today, to cook, to read, to clean and to write – and most likely to view, I have just downloaded Vicky Christina Barcelona on a recommendation from Hols, so that may well be this afternoon’s main activity. Also, sitting outside in the heat for 8 hours yesterday was enough for me, thank you very much.

Watching and being a part of the ‘Grand Depart’ of le Tour de France 2009 was a fantastic experience though. They were expecting around 150,000 people in Monaco yesterday and it was certainly a colourful, entertaining day. We caught the train over early – having really no idea of when the crowds would arrive and wanting to get the best position possible. Ralf and M were especially keen to ensure prime position. Taylor – our lovely American friend – and I were less obsessed, but went along with their enthusiasm.

Things went well all day – we arrived in Monaco and headed down to the port where the start and finish of the 15.5km time trial was. The Grand Prix grandstand was still there and M had read that it was general – and free! – access. We were there, fortunately, about 5 min before they opened the gates and, after asking a few of the officials, where they thought the best spot was, climbed up to claim our possie, with a sweeping view of the harbour, the final stretch, the hill and a massive screen. Perfection.

Early birds get the best seats! M, me, Taylor and Ralf

I decided to hang my Aussie flag from the side of the grand stand and this acted as a magnet for various other Aussies in the crowd, soon we were surrounded by a sea of green and gold, flag-cape sporting Aussies! Brilliant! An Englishman in front of asked if the government gives Aussies a flag with their passport to wear at international sporting events – and he was right – lots of Aussies, all wearing the flag as cape!

Flying the Aussie colours with pride - Go Cadel!

Our flag/version of the Aussie hill at sporting events also gained the attention of a Channel 7 Yahoo reporter, who filmed us for a series of “Life on Tour” videos he is doing throughout the event. We look and sound like utter idiots, but here’s the link anyway: http://au.promotions.yahoo.com/sports/tour-de-france/life-on-tour/video

– scroll down and if you don’t recognise us in the picture, we’re in the “Le tour begins” video – basically talking about the free stuff we got given. I think I say the words “I totally scored”. What a loser.

The race itself was both fascinating and (sorry!) boring. Fascinating because I learnt so much more about bike racing and the atmosphere was electric and the caravan that goes before the race with all the sponsors handing out hats/bags/t-shirts/lollies/giant hands/crackers etc was hilarious and very entertaining. Boring because – apart from Lance and some of the Aussies, for me, bike racing is a lot like car racing. I find car racing mind numbingly dull. However I guess the appeal for these sorts of events is the atmosphere and yesterday’s was certainly going off like a frog in a sock. I also got to meet some great people and hang out in the humid heat of Monaco for a day. Pretty lucky really.

Oh, and from my now extensive knowledge of racing – Contador to win.

M, Taylor and Marie

No guesses as to who the biggest cheer of the day was for (and no, it wasn't for M!)

Happy camper

A great day! Off to cook some Stroganoff for dinner. x

A little ramble.....

Things I am loving at the moment:

• The HBO tv series 'True Blood' - Grant from French school got me hooked on Season 1 earlier this year and now Season 2 has started - it's so brilliant. It's funny and gory and sexy and set in the deep south. I loves it. Apparently I have a 'thing' for vampires too, which I never would have said before, but M argues that first Buffy, then Twilight and now True Blood. I guess so. I hate when he's right. Mum - you would HATE True Blood, you used to hate "Boofhead" this is 100 x worse.

• On a TV note - Loving SYTYCD's new American series BUT not loving the couples they are in, think it's not doing anyone any favours. And Mary Murphy's could be used as a form of torture. More efficient and painful than waterboarding methinks.


• Lady Gaga - especially "Paparazzi" - the long version of the video to this is INSANE, and has the delicious Alexander Skarsgard in it. Yum. Am really enjoying Lily Allen at the moment too and still have Kings of Leon on high rotation.


• The sunny/warm days we have been having and the fact that - wait for it - I almost have a tan. In fact, for me, am positively Abodigidal.


• That summer fruits have well and truly hit the markets. Am averaging at least one rock melon a day, and the white flesh nectarines, sublime.


• That M and I have become more French. We often buy bread more than once a day as it's "no good" by dinner time.


• That we are probably going to buy a car.


• That I may have a job.


• That we have booked and paid the first payment for our sailing trip in Croatia this August with the lovely Kate, Stevie and Katie. It's going to be brilliant.


• My new Mango purse I bought to replace the one stolen in Paris


• That for once, common sense has prevailed and the Paris Prefecture of Police are actually going to send me my Carte de Sejour that was turned in to lost and found, rather than making me go, IN PERSON, to Paris to collect it.

Things I am not loving:

• The paperwork/hassle/head-F.../bureaucracy involved with getting a work permit


• The paperwork/hassle/head-F.../bureaucracy involved with buying a car


• The fact that, although it's warm and sunny, the last few days Cannes has been doing its best impersonation of Singapore. I don't need this level of humidity.


• That our stooooopid phone only lets the number I've dialed go through about 1/30 times. Annoying.


• That a large percentage of bus commuters seem to believe that deodorant and basic hygiene are optional, especially on stinky hot days!


• That the French don't do pies. I would sell my soul for a Wattle Park bakery chunky steak pie.

On the whole - more likes than dislikes means we are on to a winner this week.

Oh - and Tour de France starts this Saturday in Monaco - so we are heading over to watch. Should be grand, stay tunned for photos of the lycra spectacular.

Something really pretty

I wish I knew how to upload videos on to here, but I don't. Boo.

Anyway:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZjcfZ2pWtM


This is a YouTube clip of a choir - the Capital Children's Choir, singing a tribute to Lily Allen's song "Chinese" which she wrote for and about her mother.

It's really pretty - all my old Girls Choir girls will love it.

It also touched a nerve and had me all teary. Nothing shameful about missing your mummy!