I can't emphasise enough

That you must MUST MUST go check out Hyperbole and a Half.






Her latest post 'This is Why I'll Never be an Adult' is beyond hilarious.



A small excerpt:

Then the guilt from my ignored responsibilities grows so large that merely carrying it around with me feels like a huge responsibility. It takes up a sizable portion of my capacity, leaving me almost completely useless for anything other than consuming nachos and surfing the internet like an attention-deficient squirrel on PCP.



It also reminds me of me so much it's scary. Right down to the blonde hair, manic smile and internet-ing into the wee hours of the morning.

Trust your Aunty B

You will love.

xxx

Roma Roma ma Gaga oh la la

I loved Rome.

Absolutely LOVED it. It was everything I'd hoped it would be and we had such a fantastic time.

We were blessed with pretty awesome weather too - only light showers one day and a grey morning when we visited the Forum and Colosseum, but other than that it was sunshine, piazzas, pizzas and gelato all the way.


We stayed in an apartment in Trastevere which is a charming, old-school area across the Tiber river with loads of winding, cobble-stoned lanes and tonnes of funky, authentic restaurants, bars and cafes that spill out into the streets and squares in the evening. It was LOUD on the Friday and Sat night, but we loved being right in the heart of everything, and easy walking distance to most of the main sights.

At the heart of Trastevere is the Piazza di Santa Maria:

I love the faded, peeling paint on this old building.
We enjoyed quite a few drinks in this square.

Facing onto the piazza is the church Santa Maria in Trastevere

The mosaics and frescoes in the apse and alter were amazing and date from the 12th century I think. There was a beam of sunlight bursting through and the whole place was incredibly beautiful and well worth a look.

This place had the best lemon iced tea - so thirst quenching after a day of sight-seeing!

We did three walking tours.
I know, I know, I'm usually the one ranting against organised tours, I'm a gigantic hypocrite.
If I'm being completely honest, I'll also admit that we went on an open-top hop-on/hop-off bus.
Who am I??
But we only had a few days and I wanted to see and learn and geek out as much as possible.
So walking tours it was.
2 out of 3 were small, private ones with our quirky and knowledgeable guide Ritchie.
We did an evening stroll called 'Rome the City' which was a great orientation and overview (and included a gelati stop at the BEST most hidden away little place.)

Column of Marcus Aurelius.
I think I once wrote an essay about this in 2nd year at uni.
Today? Got nuffink.
It's a column. It's per-dy.

Colonna dell'Immacolata
A nice phallic symbol erected (hehe) to commemorate the dogma of the immaculate conception.
Virgin birth ey?
Ok. We'll go with that.
Have you heard about the one about the talking snake?

I quite like the play of light and shade in this one.
I'm such an artiste

Trevi Fountain
Surrounded by tourists pegging coins in but still gob-smackingly cool.
Did you know they estimate about 3000 euros are chucked in each day?
Holy-smokes Batman.
You'll be pleased to know that the money goes to a supermarket for the needy.
That's amore.

You probably know what this is.
But if I say: My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife.
And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
It will be way cooler.

It was well worth a visit (obviously) and really interesting to learn how totally on-top of their game the Romans were in terms of building stadiums for huge crowds - did you know that everyone got a token which told them which entry to go through, what level they were on and what section?
Clever.

But it was also sad.
Sad for what it represents in terms of what humans enjoy to watch for entertainment.
And sad that it was left to rot, fall apart due to an earthquake and ripped to shreds for the building equipment
(tid bit: The steps leading into St Peter's are made from Colosseum stones - ironic, no?)

Ritchie had so many interesting stories about how the "eternal city" has always recycled and reused its monuments, buildings, walls, sculptures and that is what has made Rome what it is today.
But we also discussed what it would be like if they'd just left it as it was.
If they hadn't destroyed the pagan temples, the statues, the frescoes, the baths, the mosaics.
Just imagine it.

These lame-ass Gladiators were pretty funny.
Apparently one Swedish couple got sucked in to paying 50 Euros for a photo
50 Euros!
Shit - I'd want the real Russel Crowe for that.
And Russel Crowe B.F
Before Fat
hehehe

The Arch of Titus - a 1st-century honorific arch
For some reason, when I type honorific, my brain thinks 'whoreific'
Which would be funnier.
And given its propagandist purpose, not entirely inappropriate.

We toured through the Forum too - which I loved.
Ruins make me excitable.
But the photos show .... ruins.
And I'm sure you're bored of my quasi-historical captions anyway.

Not ruins!
'If I just tuck myself in here amongst all these motorbikes, no-one will see me'
It's the parking equivalent of covering your eyes and thinking this makes you invisible.

The driving in Rome was nuts. NUTS.
They actually make the French look like rule-abiding Driving-Miss-Daisy types.
We were surprisingly only in one accident between a taxi (us) and an Alpha Romeo.
We thought the Alpha driver was going to throw down.
But lots of large hand gestures were exchanged (no insurance information though) and it ended with a manly European kiss.
Hilarious

Piazza Navona
Recently featured in Dan Brown's Angels and Demons
Yes. I've read it.
Not proud of it, but I have.
And seen the film.
Tom Hanks' hair wasn't quite so horrifying the second time round.
And I have lady-wood for Ewan McGregor BIG time.

Pantheon.
is
awesome.
It's over 2000 years old and its dome is still the largest in the world.
Beautiful

Raphael is buried there, as are two kings and the Queen Margherita whose name is synonymous with pizza deliciousness.
Whenever I hear the names "Raphael", "Michelangelo" - guess where my brain goes?
Oh yeah - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Heroes in a half shell.

Ok, so a little bit of ruin-lovin slipped in.

Spanish Steps at two different times of day

The third walking tour we did was of the Vatican museum

Reason #1 for organised tour:
We got to skip the queue

This is the queue at 9.00am.

So long suckers!

Yeah. I'm a sell out.
After raging about people with ear-pieces getting on my nerves at Versailles, I joined the ranks of the annoying and spatially unaware.
However, to make up for the indignity of wearing an ear-piece and following a lady waving an umbrella, our tour guide Sarah was fantastic.

Did you know they have the Death Star at the Vatican?
Darth Vader must be so pissed that Darth Sidious (aka Pope Benedict XVI) stole it.

Also, amusingly, it's a mechanical something or other (wasn't paying attention at this point, sorry) and our kick-arse tour guide stepped over the rope with cheeky English-lad Andrew and pushed it to set it moving.
I wish I'd gotten a photo of the people walking past's reactions.
They were all like "aw hell no! This is the POPE's Death Star, you can't be touching that!"

Augustus' head.

Speaking of heads.
Does this profile remind anyone of a certain someone??
Uncanny.

This is the emperor Hadrian.
I have a sneaking suspicion he may have been a ranga too.
Apparently Hadrian had a close relationship, widely reported as having been romantic, with a Greek youth, Antinous and he was so gutted when he died that he had Antinous deified and huge statues of him erected.

M's "boyfriend for life" Herge once gave M one of those photo calenders you can make at, like, Rabbit Photos and whatnot for his birthday.
It was entirely photos of Herge.
It hung in our bathroom.


Close enough

Honestly I was a little skeptical before going to the Vatican.
I was worried that the museum might be a bit boring.

Oh boy, I was so wrong.
It was probably my highlight of Rome.
Well - that and the Gelati.

The riches and historical artifacts that have been amassed in this museum are mind-boggling.
In some rooms you are just walking over 2000 year old mosaic floors.
The whole experience was fascinating.

Like this room - the ceiling of which was spectacular.

Our guide called it the Google Maps room
Painted between 1580 and 1583 these maps are apparently still 84% accurate. Incredible

Sistine Chapel.
Michelengo knew his shit.

St Peter's Basilica.
I guess Bernini was no slouch either

So final tally after our tour?
Catholic Church = Boo
Vatican Museum and St Peter's = Yay

We also did lots of other fun stuff: ate a whole lot of Pizza, sat in beautiful squares, watched more World Cup games than I felt was strictly necessary and wandered the streets.

We also met up for dinner on Saturday night with some fellow Cannes peeps who were on M's plane coming over: Alessio (Italian), Agnes (Hungarian), Aleksandra (Polish) and Benoit (French). It was a multi-lingual feast! And they are the loveliest people, so that was fun too.

oh, and Agnes speaks SEVEN languages.
Makes my English + dodgy French + pretend Italian seem rather lame.

Finally - here's the boy throwing his coin into the Trevi Fountain to ensure we return to Rome

And we will.
Roma è bella. Ti amo.

xxx

Bye Bye Baguette - for now!

Many of you know that my mum and sister both suffer from Coeliac disease, which means their immune system reacts abnormally to gluten, causing small bowel inflammation and damage. Thus they both maintain a fairly strict Gluten Free diet (except for wheat starch in Allens lollies - what's a bit of wheat starch between friends anyway?!?).

Gluten is a protein found in wheat, rye, barley and oats.
In other words, Gluten is found in just about everything delicious: bread, pasta, pastries, baked goods, cakes, cookies, pizza – did I mention BREAD.

mmm, gluten deliciousness. Gimme.

Why do I share this with you?

Well, for awhile now I’ve been having on-and-off upset tummy upsets.
Nothing too bad, certainly not doctor visit worthy (haven’t been to a doctor the entire time we’ve lived in France!) but enough to cause some consternation.

It’s probably more noticeable when traveling as ... er ... sometimes the need to get to a toilet pronto is rather severe. And Murphy’s Law means that when I eventually find a toilet, it’s always one that makes the "Worst Toilet in Scotland" from Trainspotting look like a porcelain paradise.


The up-shot of this is that I am going Gluten Free for two weeks to see if it makes any difference or not. And after that, if there is no change, I might try cutting out dairy.

Knowing my luck I’ll end up with a wheat and dairy intolerance. LIVING IN FRANCE.


And you know what – corn thins are NOT a substitute for a fresh baguette.
Not even close.

4 days down. 10 to go.

Then we are off to Switzerland to eat Cheese + Bread Fondue for every meal – yeah!!

Developments

Three interesting things happened last night:

1. The Socceroos’s won their match but were knocked out of the World Cup. Or should I say The Sporting Even That Cannot Be Named which is what Sara Louise is calling it. Hehe.

2. The longest tennis match in history between French Nicolas Mahut and American John Isner had play suspended for the second day in a row after they ran out of light

3. Australia ended up with its first female Prime-Minister due to a leadership challenge.


Football first: We went over to Nice to watch the game with some friends but we were left hanging as all the pubs seemed hell bent on showing the Germany v Ghana game (in fact the pub we went to had 7 screens in total – with only one, the smallest, inside, showing the Aus v Serbia game, apparently there were a lot of Germans and only 2 Aussies and some ring in French/Scottish/Slovenian friends which wasn’t enough to get them to change one of the screens over!) We had a lot of fun anyway.

And there was ice cream to be enjoyed after the match for the designated driver and resident non-beer drinker.

On our way to the Vieille Ville in Nice to watch the game. Pretty

Happily sitting outside soaking up the atmosphere until we realise all screens are showing the other game - ah well! - we took our party inside.
Thirsty boys?

More amazing was when they cut to the tennis at half-time - everyone was transfixed watching these two guys, who looked dead on their feet, slugging it out and firing off aces as the 5th set score crept up from 53-53 to 59-59. Over 10 hours of match time is INSANE.

So courageous but in my mind I’m thinking that surely one of them will just go “aw stuff this” and throw in the towel. According to M I don’t have a competitive drive and will to keep fighting against the odds. Umm, is this news? I have a wicked competitive drive, but only so long as I’m winning. When the odds are against me I tend to flip over Trivial Pursuit boards in frustration. Once. I did this ONCE.


The fall-out from Julia Gillard becoming our PM is interesting, I find it odd that people are ranting about the fact that she wasn’t elected and yet that is how our democracy works, we pick our local representative and they pick the leader. I know it feels like we pick the PM, but we don’t, we pick the party. Anyway, I’m not going to shove my opinions down your throats, except to say that anyone, ANYONE is better than Tony Abbot. *shudder*.

And I’m all for a Ranga becoming PM.

Taking over the world, one ginger at a time.

xx

Q & A

Blog about trip to Roma complete with many, many photos to come soon, but in the meantime Piglet In France has posed some questions and I have responded.

Beware that it's about 1.20am here and there were about 20 other, far more productive things I could and should have been doing - tant pis!
Could-a, Should-a, Would-a.


1. Why did you start a blog?
My reasons for starting a blog were twofold: firstly, I was sending large, rambling and potentially bothersome emails to friends and family back home and I felt a bit guilty going on and on about what I was up to, especially as I tend to be a tad verbose, when I knew they would probably be busy with work/life etc and I thought the blog was a way for them to check-in on us over in France at their convenience. Also, quite a few people I know don’t have facebook. Gasp. It’s true. Like my grandmother, for example, or my parentals – thank god. But they like to see photos and hear our news so – blog makes this easier. Although the fact that my mother-in-law prints it out, gives it to M’s grandma who shows it to her Nursing home buddies is a wee bit disconcerting. But sweet. Also an old school friend had a blog that was so funny and snark-tastic and lovely (Heather – I’m talking about you!) so I thought I’d try and emulate her coolness.


2. Comfy shoes or killer heels?
In theory – killer heels, the higher the better, I love them.
In reality – comfy shoes. Ballet flats or boots in winter and Havianas all summer long. My husband would quite happily walk to and from every event we attend, so I’ve learnt the hard way not to wear kick-arse heels out for a night on the town if I want to be able to use my feet at all the next day. Which is a pity as I am not that tall – or as said husband explains “it’s like you have stumps and where your knees are meant to be, feet grew.” Ouch. This is also the man who calls my piddly little toes “Cancerous growths”. Charming.


3. The funniest moment in the last week?
Would probably be from today.
Catching a taxi to the Rome airport the driver somehow got it in his head that I speak fluent Italian and decides to give me the guided tour as he dives in and out of the insane traffic like a madman, changing lanes with nary an indication or a blind spot check. I understood very little apart from the names of a few Emperors and his funny way of giving dates “167 years before Christmas”.
Hehe.

After awhile my “si si” “oh, ok, si si” wasn’t passing muster so he informs us that as “special treat for you” we could listen to some music. He presses play and the opening strains of Nessun Dorma blast through the speakers. He gives me a look like "fully-sick speakers, no?"
“ahh, Puccini?” I ask – he pats me on the arm in a proud, impressed manner. And turns the volume up.
“Pavarotti?” I ask. He nearly crashes the car as he stares at me in shocked delight (maybe he thought I was mentally impaired after I said "si si" to everything he said. It's very possible he wasn't only asking yes/no questions!)
“Si Si!! Bueno Nm,ah rhgubnm,bh b3hjkg mescolando bene!!" = a whole lot of Italian I didn’t understand accompanied by even more enthusiastic arm patting, car swerving and crossing lanes nearly collecting a guy on a motorcycle, and turning the volume up once again.
So we’re flying along the freeway to the airport, possibly minutes away from death due to this completely crazy taxi driver, Nessun Dorma blaring and the driver gives me a wink and says “say bye bye Roma”.
Obviously we made it, in one piece to the airport.
A fitting and amusing end to a great holiday.


4. What would have been your dream job?
I feel like a missed my calling to be an Olympic Platform Diver, (so could have) and I would have loved to be a make-up artist for a Theatre company but I honestly do love my job. I don’t know if I’d say teaching is necessarily my dream job – because my “dream job” would probably involve a lot less work, a lot more money and not having to deal with the occasional psychotic teenager or parent.
So if I could do anything??
A highly paid travel/food writer. That would be awesomesauce.


5. If you won the lottery tonight, what would be the first thing you’d do?
Buy dream houses all over the world and go traveling with money as no option. First class baby. Oohh yeah.
Oh, and, like, give some to charity/save some/give to family and all that stuff you're meant to say.


6. Most useless gadget you own?
Here: A stupid knife/peeler combo thing that I got totally sucked in to buying in San Remo. It doesn’t even work!!
At home in storage: probably the juicer that M gave me for my birthday one year. It’s not that it’s useless, I just hardly ever used it. Oh! I thought of another one –the deli-meat-slicer thingo we were given. Opening my own corner deli wasn’t high on my list of things to do, and it’s not that often that the two of us have a whole leg of ham just waiting to be sliced. Ham usually comes pre-sliced these days. Handy.
Having said that, M used to buy all sorts of salamis and smallgoods, just so he could use the slicer. But he's weird.


7. You’re waiting for someone and they’re late. How late is too late?
I am always late when meeting people. Always. So it would be me the person was waiting for, not the other way around.



8. Are you a do it now person, or a It can wait until tomorrow person?
As the great Scarlett O’Hara once said “I’ll think about it tomorrow.”

In fact, I saw a guy wearing a T-shirt the other day that I think sums me up:

Reasons why I procrastinate:

1.

9. If you were a drink, what would you be?
A strawberry milkshake: sweet, fatty, a little bit childish but always fun.


10. What was the first thing you thought when you read these questions?
Ooohh, I could do this instead of finishing the emailing/sorting/paying bills/dish washing/list of things I should be doing. See #8.



Thanks Piglet for the fun questions!

Stay tuned for Rome recap.
xx

How embarrassment

Oy.

I am both incredibly delighted and mortified to have been featured on Keith Eckstein’s wonderful WONDERFUL blog A Taste of Garlic. Keith does the blogisphere a huge solid by reading through and recommending various people’s blogs about their lives and experiences in France, I have found many gorgeous, beautifully written and interesting blogs through his site.

And he has mentioned my lame-ass, profanity ridden blog. Wow.

Hence the delight but also the embarrassment.

This means he has had to read through my various posts about holidays and trips, dealings with the French bureaucracy and other assorted nonsense that I vomit up onto the screen for the enjoyment (?) of my readers back home. As Keith points out - I do swear – too much, and I blame M for corrupting me. And I’ve apologised to all the Grandmothers for my potty mouth, (sorry!) but I tend to write as I speak – so it’s dribble, mixed in with some snark, too many adjectives and some crappy jokes. And apparently I tend to rant a lot too ...one might get the wrong idea that I have a bad temper and get a bit stroppy? Nah.

Anyway, I am pleased that he seems to think my blog is maybe worth a look. I will try harder not to use foul language and rant about things and people that annoy me.

No guarantees though!


x

Prettiness in Provence

Provence is seriously pretty. Like, really, amazingly, post card, painting, poem-writing pretty. You can understand why artists have been flocking here for years - even I feel the urge to whip out the watercolours and create something beautiful. Sadly, even though I rock at colouring in between the lines, own at least 6 different coloured highlighters and can do bubble lettering like nobodies business, my artistic skills are fairly limited.

However, there’s always photography. And while I am amateurish at best (what’s beyond amateurish – I use an iPhone camera for Fs sake!) the landscapes make even a crap novice like me look good.

As soon as mum said she was coming to visit, I knew we had to lock in a trip to a B&B in Provence.

As M so delightfully puts it “Provence is every middle aged woman’s wet dream”. Which is graffic and also – ew, but pretty spot on: the slower pace, the food, the wine, the gorgeous villages, the art, the lovely people and the scenery. I get very jealous of people (like the delightful Sara Louise over at Le Petit Village) who live in this part of the world every day. Lucky bitches. Shouldn’t complain really – Cannes isn’t exactly the butthole of the world, but it’s my blog so I’ll whine if I wanna.

The B&B we stayed in is called Mas Shamrock and run by a delightful couple – he’s Irish, she’s French and their place is stunning. Feast your eyes on this:

TD miserably unhappy about our B&B choice

Ughh, it's hideous.

We were located just outside of St Remy de Provence, which rates pretty highly on my list of favourite villages. Small enough to be easily accessible by foot yet full of colour, characters, quirky shops and great restaurants.

Just outside of St Remy are a few sights worth visiting: The ancient site of Glanum which dates from the 7th century BC and Saint-Paul-de-Mausole an old monastery that became a hospital and is still a treatment facility today. St Paul is where Van Gogh spent a year before his death and is where he painted many of his famous works including Starry Night and Self Portrait. It’s a fascinating, and incredibly beautiful place and they still use art therapy with many of their patients, so the gift shop is full of art that ranges in style from the kindergarten finger painting variety to really amazing, moving stuff. There is actually a Van Gogh trail/walk thing you can do too – we didn’t but we saw lots of the sign posts and it certainly would be worthwhile.

I find Van Gogh's story so sad - he was obviously so troubled and mentally ill but he's also so brilliant - and he only sold one painting while alive! Tragic.

Part of the Ancient sites near Glanum

The cloisters at Saint-Paul-de-Mausole

Poppies.
Poppies will send them to sleep

Where Van Gogh spent time painting - not too shabby.

We also made a trip to Arles. There are a few major Roman sites, such as the Arena and the Theatre to explore, but equally interesting to us were the medieval streets that wound around the centre of the city. Sadly, the weather turned on us and we got absolutely drenched (and I nearly stacked it down a set of slippery steps in my thongs) so we didn’t get to spend as long as we would have liked at Arles.

On the way back to our B&B we decided to swing past the Montmajour Abbey, which was very cool – even if the (empty) graves carved in the rock and the massive crypt were a bit creepy.

Montmajour Abbey

M joined us for the weekend and he brought the sunshine with him (well, he does seem to think the sun shines out his arse..) so on Saturday we headed into Avignon – and unlike last time I remembered my camera! Avignon is wicked, it’s so well set up for tourists without feeling overly touristy and it’s just so freakin pretty and cool-looking (this description should clearly explains why I will never write for travel magazines.)

If you look closely at this photo, it looks like one of those fake real-estate photo mock-up things.
It's not, but don't you reckon it looks fake?? Weird.

Avignon

Pope's Shack. Not too shabby.

sur le Pont d'Avignon.
We didn't dance, because you had to pay and we're tight-arses.

We had a great morning and after lunch drove over to the famous Roman aqueduct Pont du Gard, which was impressive and well worth a visit. Interesting tid-bit for the engineering geeks out there: the Pont du Gard was constructed entirely without the use of mortar, the aqueduct's stones – some of which weigh up to 6 tonnes – were precisely cut to fit perfectly together eliminating the need for mortar. Impressive huh? Those Romans masons, they were clever buggers. (and probably clever Buggerers – snerk!)

ooohh, Hippstamatic iPhone App had to make an appearance at some point.
Mum quote: "are you taking arty-farty Black and White photos again??"
I am such a mis-understood and under-appreciated artist.

The next day was a drive home via some particularly stunning scenery and stops at Gordes, Roussillon and Moustiers-Sainte-Marie.

Gordes

Roussillon

Bright blue skies + ochre painted walls = funky angles for photos.
Just go with it and admire the pretty.

My personal fav.

We also drove along a road, somewhere between Manosque and Moustiers-Sainte Marie that had literally fields and fields of lavender! As far as the eye could see! It’s still a bit early in the season, so there wasn’t a lot of purple action going on, but give it a few weeks and this place will be a lavender bonanza! I’ll say it again – so freakin pretty. And so green - no sunburnt country here.







And as we were nearing home, the clouds rolled in (you can see the start of them above) and it started to rain. A dramatic end to a perfect trip away.

The rain is still with us though, which means at the moment our apartment resembles a Chinese laundry as we try to dry 4 peoples' washing before we jet off to ROME tomorrow. So excited. Those two YEARS of Roman Archaeology I did at uni, back when I fancied myself as a bit of a female Indiana Jones, only less sexist, less sexy and minus the snakes, should finally come in useful. Or not. As I remember jack squat.


Funny note to end on for those who know M:
Lying in bed at the B&B having a cuddle.
He smells my hair.
“You smell like ..... Meat Party Pies ..... without sauce”.

Whaaaaaaatt?!?!

Good thing the man loves a party pie.

Night ya’ll. I’ll be back with tales from Rome next week.
Peace out.
xxx