La Neige

We've spent the last two weekends taking full advantage of our close proximity to the Alps.

Two weekends ago we spent the day with a group of friends at Isola 2000, one of the very popular French resorts. Our group included 2 ski instructors and 2 others who had been in a downhill competition that morning.

They weren't as interested in the easy green runs as I was, surprisingly.
 It was a fun day, soured by the massive stack I took on my last run that left me bruised and my confidence seriously shaken.


Last weekend we met up with Katie who was in Italy for work.
This time we stayed in Limone Piemonte, on the Italian side of the Alps.
A very pretty village and a great chance to catch up with one of my favourite people.


However, I've come to a realisation.

 I hate skiing.

I'm sure if I'd been skiing since I could walk, I'd probably love it.
But I haven't.
And I don't.

My current level of skill means there's not so much this:

But a lot more this:

And there's a few lessons that I've learnt, mostly while lying face-down in the snow.

Consider this - a meditation on why skiing is stupid:


1. Skiing boots are evil. 
Ski boots are awkward, cumbersome, uncomfortable things at the best of times.

In Limone we had to walk a fair way up hill to get to our piste and clambering up-hill in ski boots is like strapping sacks of potatoes to your feet with metal spikes. Every step was like being punched in the shin or calf. Throw in skis and poles and the fact that you're wearing about 6 layers of clothes and it's a heart attack waiting to happen.

2. Layers are tricky
If you are, hypothetically, busting for a pee and, hypothetically, wearing several layers of pants and singlets tucked into said pants it would be best to be sure you have pulled down ALL your bottom layers lest you accidentally forget your knickers, sit down, start peeing and get a nasty surprise. Hypothetically.

3. Bruising to the ego
Falling off the chairlift on your very first journey will not endear you to the chair lift operator, who will proceed to roll his eyes and slow the chairlift down everytime he sees you coming for the rest of the day.

4. Clumsiness is not cute
Ice is treacherous, snow is slippery, stopping when skiing down-hill is hard. Other people can just get the hell out of the way. It's not like I meant to smack into them.


5. Basic co-ordination required
If you're doing a sport where you are likely to fall down, it's best that you can get yourself back up. Without outside help. Or having to remove your skis. Or rolling down the hill.

6. Children do it better
4 year olds all rugged up in their cute jumpsuits who can't feed themselves or undo their own shoe-laces but can ski better than you will make you hate yourself and want to smack* children in their smug little faces. 
*obviously I'm exaggerating**

** I'm not exaggerating.

So there you have it.

My feelings about the whole activity can be summed up as: "meh".

(picture me shrugging and rolling my eyes.)

I do like the apres ski drinks though.
And the freedom to eat hot chips and drink hot chocolate all day.

So there is that.

But that's not, quite, enough motivation for me.
So I'll be sitting out the rest of the season.

Pas de la neige pour moi, merci. 

xxx